When you feel a sense of calm 4 years later – a follow up to what Betrayal PTSD feels like for me

In my previous post about what PTSD feels like for me I mentioned it doesn't happen as often or as severely anymore, and I figured out what has changed in me. Tomorrow marks 4 years since DDay #2 and his suicide attempt. It was undoubtedly the worst day of my life so far, and I … Continue reading When you feel a sense of calm 4 years later – a follow up to what Betrayal PTSD feels like for me

Betrayal PTSD – what it feels like for me

Looking back through this blog I see a pattern, and that pattern is probably similar to yours (in no particular order); devastated, sensory awareness, ruminating, anger, shock - then the start of calmness and better (as much as we can get to "better"). What I have referred to in this blog as a rollercoaster ride, … Continue reading Betrayal PTSD – what it feels like for me

Those oh so lovely little Triggers

I hate these triggers. Hate isn't even a strong enough word for how they make me feel, and then how I feel about my reactions and behaviours. Mr. P is applying for a job (that he retrained for all on his own, which is amazing) after being off for a year due to a mental … Continue reading Those oh so lovely little Triggers


As all betrayed partners know, there is a back and forth internal struggle of Do I love? Do I stay? Do I trust? Do I want? Some days yes, some days no. It's a very emotionally painful and confusing ride that cannot be put into words. Last night as I lay in bed with Mr. … Continue reading Reflections

I feel you

There are days I feel so alone like I'm the only one in the world feeling what I'm feeling after being betrayed. I feel angry, sad, devastated, disgusted, tricked, rage, humiliated, worthless, alone, confused. DAILY. Please remember; somewhere across the world, across the water, across a border, across an aisle in the grocery store, across … Continue reading I feel you

He thinks I should write again *TRIGGER WARNING*

After being told that writing may be what was keeping me present in the trauma, I took a hiatus. Unfortunately the trauma is still present and now he thinks writing again may help. So, here I am. Trauma still very much present and at times, still very much in shock that he could do what … Continue reading He thinks I should write again *TRIGGER WARNING*

Second Thoughts?

It's been a while my fellow survivors; but just when I thought I had finally made it out of the being betrayed shit hole, I'm having second thoughts about how I could stay with Mr. Perfect after what he has done to me, to us, and to himself. I'm having awful visions again of what … Continue reading Second Thoughts?

Keeping myself in check

With all of the stress in life lately, and frankly, over the last at least 4 years with Mr. Perfect, I don't know how I've kept it all together. One thing I've noticed since Mr. Perfect has been home from his 3 1/2 week stay at the hospital is that I'm overly critical of him … Continue reading Keeping myself in check

Friends and Values

It's been a while since I posted an update, and it's mostly because things are still improving 🙂 big yay! Recovering from the betrayal nightmare takes a lot of time, patience and effort from both partners. It's not 100% yet, I still look at him at times and can't believe he did what he did, … Continue reading Friends and Values