Yes, that happened

Once you've been betrayed you will have a "before" and "after" life with many triggers throughout the remainder of your relationship. Pictures, memories, cards, gifts, and letters from your "before" life together will now leave you angry, sad, confused and question everything about your lives and events together. Everything from your "after" life together will … Continue reading Yes, that happened

Within those days, something has changed

It's been 2,025 days since D-Day #1 and 1,948 days since D-day #2. It has been 2,036 days since he last acted out. Within those days, I asked questions, repeated the questions, pained from the answers, and eventually healed enough where I no longer see him as the man who did this. Within those days, I completely rid … Continue reading Within those days, something has changed

When you feel a sense of calm 4 years later – a follow up to what Betrayal PTSD feels like for me

In my previous post about what PTSD feels like for me I mentioned it doesn't happen as often or as severely anymore, and I figured out what has changed in me. Tomorrow marks 4 years since DDay #2 and his suicide attempt. It was undoubtedly the worst day of my life so far, and I … Continue reading When you feel a sense of calm 4 years later – a follow up to what Betrayal PTSD feels like for me

Betrayal PTSD – what it feels like for me

Looking back through this blog I see a pattern, and that pattern is probably similar to yours (in no particular order); devastated, sensory awareness, ruminating, anger, shock - then the start of calmness and better (as much as we can get to "better"). What I have referred to in this blog as a rollercoaster ride, … Continue reading Betrayal PTSD – what it feels like for me

Those oh so lovely little Triggers

I hate these triggers. Hate isn't even a strong enough word for how they make me feel, and then how I feel about my reactions and behaviours. Mr. P is applying for a job (that he retrained for all on his own, which is amazing) after being off for a year due to a mental … Continue reading Those oh so lovely little Triggers


As all betrayed partners know, there is a back and forth internal struggle of Do I love? Do I stay? Do I trust? Do I want? Some days yes, some days no. It's a very emotionally painful and confusing ride that cannot be put into words. Last night as I lay in bed with Mr. … Continue reading Reflections

I feel you

There are days I feel so alone like I'm the only one in the world feeling what I'm feeling after being betrayed. I feel angry, sad, devastated, disgusted, tricked, rage, humiliated, worthless, alone, confused. DAILY. Please remember; somewhere across the world, across the water, across a border, across an aisle in the grocery store, across … Continue reading I feel you

He thinks I should write again *TRIGGER WARNING*

After being told that writing may be what was keeping me present in the trauma, I took a hiatus. Unfortunately the trauma is still present and now he thinks writing again may help. So, here I am. Trauma still very much present and at times, still very much in shock that he could do what … Continue reading He thinks I should write again *TRIGGER WARNING*

Second Thoughts?

It's been a while my fellow survivors; but just when I thought I had finally made it out of the being betrayed shit hole, I'm having second thoughts about how I could stay with Mr. Perfect after what he has done to me, to us, and to himself. I'm having awful visions again of what … Continue reading Second Thoughts?

Keeping myself in check

With all of the stress in life lately, and frankly, over the last at least 4 years with Mr. Perfect, I don't know how I've kept it all together. One thing I've noticed since Mr. Perfect has been home from his 3 1/2 week stay at the hospital is that I'm overly critical of him … Continue reading Keeping myself in check