It’s been a while since I posted an update, and it’s mostly because things are still improving 🙂 big yay! Recovering from the betrayal nightmare takes a lot of time, patience and effort from both partners. It’s not 100% yet, I still look at him at times and can’t believe he did what he did, but he is doing absolutely everything to assure me that he is not that person anymore. My eyes are still open, but I’m starting to trust again ❤
Mr. Perfect is still anxious AF, and even told me last week he had been having dark thoughts. He said it is all job stress related (although I’m not so sure, I think he’s always been anxious and hence used women as an unhealthy coping mechanism in the past and just can’t do that anymore so, here we are) so he is currently looking for a new and less stressful job. I’m in full support of whatever he needs. Take a year off even, just get healthy.
I had major surgery at the end of November and am finally starting to feel like my old self. An unexpected complication of the surgery was a hypertonic pelvic floor with neuralgia, and let me tell you, it sucks. Pelvic floor physio 2x/week has done wonders though, and I am about 90% recovered today, but it’s a day by day process.
As for Mr. P and I, I am really starting to see him as someone who DESERVES a second chance. It will be 3 years in 2 days since the big D-Day, and while I’m very proud of our relationship and who we are now, I would never want to go back to 3 years ago. Up until about 6 months ago, I wasn’t sure if I could stay. Now, I believe I can.
There’s our update. What I wanted to write about today is actually some advice seeking.
One of my best friends had an affair 7 years ago and it was discovered by her Husband. I knew at the time she was having an affair, and I supported her when the shit hit the fan. She isn’t a happy person in general and hasn’t been since she had her first child 14 years ago. Twins followed a couple of years later. Postpartum was an issue and likely still is. Her and her husband haven’t been intimate in 3 years, don’t talk, don’t sleep in the same bed and really have no interaction whatsoever. They’ve never been to counselling and he doesn’t plan on going.
She has recently started having another affair and my reaction towards her has been visceral. I am so angry and disgusted. She called me today and asked if I was ok and I was very honest. I told her that she needs to stop immediately and get her shit together; if she’s not happy then ask her Husband to go to counselling or leave – but END IT WITH THIS OTHER MAN NOW. I also made it very clear that she is destroying not only her and her family’s lives, but the lives of his family. Her children will absolutely hate her. Their families will both be so hurt and disappointed. She will lose friends. I also was very clear that she has an obligation to women in this world (his wife) to do no harm. I reminded her of how incredibly broken I was and that it destroyed who I was. She cried with me often and knows I had some very dark thoughts, as so many betrayed do.
I am the type of person that if any one of you were coming to my town, I would offer you one of my bedrooms. If any one of you were in a crisis, I would offer to call you. If any one of you needed a friend, I am there for you. No questions.
But I told her it is very hard for me to be in contact with her right now.
Here is my conundrum; knowing who I am and knowing how much I love this BFF of mine, I just can’t be around her right now. I just can’t talk to her. I am so angry that I can’t control it. I just can’t be around someone who would do to another, what was done to me – and knows how destroyed I was, and in many ways, still am.
What would you do, and how would you feel? I’m not making this about me, right?