Happy “I haven’t fucked anyone else in a year” Anniversary Party

Mr. Perfect’s 1 year official sobriety date was on March 18, 2018 (he hasn’t acted out with another woman since December 31, 2016), but due to him being in school and with kids extracurricular activities 5 out of 7 nights, he hasn’t had that celebration yet.

Tonight’s the night.

In fact he’s meeting his sponsor early to discuss the next step, and even got asked to be someone’s sponsor.

Believe me, I am proud of all of the changes and efforts he has made to himself and his life, he truly has done so much and rebuilt himself into someone he (and I) can be proud of. But shouldn’t I get a cake? I deserve a triple layered lemon cake with extra thick butter frosting – I’ve not touched another man’s dick the entire time we’ve been together!

Yes, I’m proud of him, but yes, I want to be celebrated (and eat a big huge fucking piece of cake) too.



13 thoughts on “Happy “I haven’t fucked anyone else in a year” Anniversary Party

  1. Ooooh, I want some of that cake too!!! Has your husband finished the steps? BE was asked to be a sponsor the first time when he was only himself on the 4th step. I find that strange. I strongly suggested he needed to focus on himself before trying to help anyone else. I think he agreed. Who knows. 🙂 xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Come on over, let’s each have half!!

      He has recently finished the first step. It’s a good step to finish, but I’ve had to question if that’s all he’s going to do (hence, the meeting with his sponsor tonight about the second step).

      I agree that he should focus on himself, and I don’t know if I can say that being a sponsor wouldn’t help him, because I think it could. I just know that I can’t get involved in his recovery work, I need to focus more on my own.


      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am curious SSA, if you have started working the steps for yourself? I don’t mean SA’s Steps (which, as you know is based on Alcoholics Anonymous steps).

    I mean the steps for spouses. You can take a version of Al-Anon steps (which are also based on Alcoholics Anonymous) and applying them to yourself. Do you have a sponsor too?

    Al-Anon is for friends and family members of Alcoholics, do they have a similar thing for SA?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They have several programs POSARC, COSA and SANON. I went to a meeting and walked out as it was not what I was looking for. What he did had nothing to do with me, nor did I know it was happening and allowed it to continue. I am not a co-addict or codependent, so I don’t feel it is a good fit for me.

      No, I don’t do any steps.


      1. I hate that phrase codependent. Doesn’t mean anything. Co-addict is even worse.

        I think that is why I still appreciate Al-Anon, because a good meeting doesn’t discuss codependency or enabling.

        The focus is, this is what happened and what do I have to do to move forward. I’ll have to look those organizations up you mentioned. I’m curious with their steps look like vs Al-Anon or AA.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I need to look at what I need to do to move forward, not get over it, but accept it happened and move forward.

        I honestly don’t think there’s ever “getting over” this. Maybe learning and doing some steps will help with the moving forward.

        I’ve been thinking about you, you’ve been so quiet. How are you?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thanks SSA.

        I’m sad, lonely, confused, disappointed, hurt, and frustrated. I’m also excited, positive, upbeat, and optimistic. Sometimes I’m all those things at the same time.

        So essentially, I’m a mess. I’m trying to date but I cannot hold a conversation and since art show season started I’ve been a mess…more than usual. I move into my apartment tomorrow and have a beautiful view of the lake. I’m suppose to have lunch with one of the people that cut me off seven months ago but they have recently expressed interest in getting together and rebooting the friendship…

        C is still not speaking to me…but I’m not ready to quit. Finding the balance between being consistently vulnerable and being patient is tough. I have no idea what she things…and I’m not going to guess. I’m going to stake my territory and make it clear. I followed my heart recently and did some loving things. I took a risk, faced and uncertaint outcome, and was emotional open. I’m going to trust what I know is true about her and my heart. I’d rather be hurt again that hide behind blustering bravado.

        One day at a time. The choice is hers but I’m still here…

        I have been quiet. I’ve said everything I can say about my betrayal and subsequent behaviors. I don’t know what else to add right now.

        I’ve been really emotionally and spiritually bogged down in some things that I read in Chapter 15 of Esther Perel’s book The State of Affairs about safety, trust, and vulnerability. It has really struck me deeply…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Your new apartment looks amazing and the view from our kitchen window is beautiful 🙂

        I’m so sorry you’re struggling RC. When I was single I tried the old “get under someone else to get over him”, but it never worked and in fact, made me feel so sad, so I stopped dating. I don’t know how long this is going to take (I hope soon), but I do know you truly truly love her and you have so many regrets and shame, so it may take longer – but I think in the interim it is more than ok to allow yourself some socializing if for no other reason than to temporarily relieve yourself of your thoughts.

        I know you need to feel your pain, but maybe for just right now now you need a time out from your heartache, shame and regret, and just one minute at a time focus on new.

        New life
        New feelings
        New apartment
        New kitchen view
        New friends
        New season
        New clients
        New experiences with others
        New experiences with yourself
        New opportunities
        New day, everyday

        Maybe for one minute at a time you can focus on the day to day of life, and not feel the day to day absence in your life, every minute of every day.

        What punishment is enough? How long of this punishment is long enough?

        Maybe it’s enough, and has been long enough. At the very least, you deserve a reprieve.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Send her a note and tell her will ya! 😉

        I bought a sailboard on Craigslist. I have to drive three hours to pick it up but it will be a nice way to start and stop the days…

        Almost every one of my male friends have suggested saying, “Fuck her!” and then, “go get laid!” It just feels toxic and I’m not even close to being there. I’m too old to just be using people to hide. I’ve never been able to fuck them and forget them.

        I had a friend in Pittsburgh has asked me out twice now, and I like her enough to take her to dinner, and she is very willing to play but I just got nothing. in my tank. It’s nice to hold someone but my mind wanders…

        I’m just working through it and making the most of the moments. I went grocery shopping, bought some things for the apartment today, and played a bit in the Twin Cities. Sitting here watching the breeze kick up on the lake wishing my board was here.

        Liked by 1 person

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