I have 1 social media account, and that is on Facebook. I don’t have Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn or anything else. I don’t use my real last name on Facebook I because many consultants and clients I deal with at work have told me they’ve tried to find me on Facebook, and I don’t want to be friends with them so I use a last name they would never know about. Facebook is for my personal life and I don’t want them to see my personal goings on or pictures of my children. So let’s say for illustration purposes, my Facebook name is Jane Johnston, but my legal name is Jane Jones. This would mean everyone in the world (other than my personal friends and family on Facebook) only know me by my legal name of Jane Jones.
Mr. Perfect had one 1 social medial account, and that was on LinkedIn (no Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc.) and he didn’t use it for years. I hacked into it after D-Day #2 and deleted it, so it’s been gone for more than a year.
I frequently go onto google and search his name and city, his old work email address, the email address I found the email from The Elf on December 31, 2016, his old work phone number, new phone number, new email address etc. If you’ve been betrayed, you know the exhausting drill. There are a few profiles on LinkedIn that come up with his name when doing a google search. Let’s say for illustration purposes, his name is John Smith. I don’t believe he activated any other accounts in his name, these are just other John Smith’s. What’s interesting is that when I click on multiple of the the other John Smith’s profiles (his no longer comes up because it’s deleted), there is a box on the top right of the page that says “people also viewed”. There is only one other person those people also viewed, and that is Jane Johnston, my Facebook fake name, except there is one missing letter in the fake last name (i.e. Johnson – no “t”) probably because no one has a LinkedIn account with the same name as my fake name. I know it wasn’t my family or friends searching (and they wouldn’t search that name anyway because they know my real last name). I don’t believe he told them my real or fake name because there was always a huge fear and risk of them contacting me.
So, at least one of the women is searching for me.
After D-Day #2 a year ago, I blocked all of the women on Facebook (whose names I found out after digging and investigating) so I would no longer be able to obsess over their profiles and pictures because it caused so much anxiety. No one has ever contacted me, but there is a part of me that wishes they would so I could tell them the truth about what was really going on, and that they were one of many.
Can you fathom having one affair let alone MANY thinking you can get away with it in this day and age when we are all so accessible/searchable/find-able, even with aliases? Emails, texts, and phone records always retrievable? And, lets’s not forget, BITCHES BE CRAZY.
How stupid are they thinking they won’t get caught?
Healing from Sex Addiction 
I know right! I still can’t believe that my H actually thought he wouldn’t get caught when they were doing it right here in our neighborhood under everyone’s nose not just mine. There are still so many aspects of his affair I don’t understand and never will.
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You absolutely never will understand it, but will need to accept it eventually xo I really hope your day is different tomorrow darling ❤️
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I’ve been in relationships where I ended up hacking SM accounts, phones, looking through pockets and it became a part of the daily routine. That is how it makes you feel and you know you weren’t that kind of person until someone screwed around with your life like that. Do you never take a step back and think, what the f*** am I doing? I deserve better than this. I got to the point where it became the most overriding factor of my day, every day. And that’s when I decided I didn’t need it any more, that it was not worth it. That he absolutely was not worth it. He’s just a guy, amongst millions of guys in the world. Why should I let him make me into this person. Because catching him was never going to stop him from doing it again and again when opportunity or the right person, came along. I genuinely have no idea how you do/did it, without wanting to just jack it all in.
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I can completely relate to everything you’ve said, and yes, multiple times a day I wonder what the fuck I am doing here. I AM/have always been so much better than this, but here I am – head and heart confused but trying to get on the same page.
I no longer go through pockets, phones, emails etc. looking for new things because I don’t feel he is acting out anymore and it only causes me anxiety. Policing him will not deter him from acting out – you are right, and this I know. I do google searches because I’m scared of what these women may have put out there about him and I want to protect my family, myself, and even him (I know, fucking crazy because the only way he protected me in the past was by wearing a magnum).
It’s all crazy making stuff, all of it, and yes I am better than this.
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I hope you get there. I really really do. You have bloody earned some peace of mind. x
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I hope so too, thank you darling xo
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My observation is that common sense is not a strength of the SA. At least not when it comes to acting out. The shit they put in WRITING, the cyber trails they leave, the “trust” they put in online people they have no idea who they are, etc. I have heard so many stories in the past 2.5 years of some of the most senseless behavior. smh
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It’s shocking really. There are so many lies to the lies they tell us, and we as the spouses may say hmmmm…that doesn’t sound right – but I’ll let it go because I should be able to trust.
What else is shocking is that in my case, he was acting out with at least 10 OW, and some had spouses who could have also been suspicious and/or found texts, emails, phone records, and went hmmmmm….
There are so many lies to remember, so many other spouses, and so many ways they can get caught – it’s such a risk, but as we know, the risk is the rush for a SA.
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It is absolutely incredible the amount of information out there, and the ease with which it can be found. I never knew of my sleuthing talents, and almost wish sometimes I did not have them. The first one i found by google searching a pic of him (a feature I had no idea existed and appeared when I right clicked on it to save the pic to my computer) – it pulled up a profile of his of which I was otherwise unaware, for a vacation site – in his review, he described “what a wonderful secret place “we” had found…” and, of course, the “we” did not include me. The second time, something similar – but i backtracked using twitter, into facebook, then pinterest, and saw the whole thing unfold (facebook pic of her at a particular game, the same day of a particular game which he claimed to have gone with a friend, etc).
I’m not proud of this at all, by any means, and think that i would have found out eventually.
It is very curious though that someone searched Mr. P, and then a name similar to your FB name, on multiple accounts similar to Mr. P’s name. I’m proud of you that you took the initiative to block them, to help you avoid causing yourself more pain. That’s something I’m going to do for myself as well.
XO
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Many people have told me I have more skills than the FBI, but it’s really not that hard. As you have experienced, one innocent search links to another and then another and then another, pretty soon it all starts to piece together.
I don’t think there is anything curious about someone searching my fake name – they obviously know who I am and me blocking them on FB means they can create a fake FB account (one has created a fake “page”, and pages can’t be blocked) if they want to look at my page. Good thing I’m cute and have sweet and loving pics of Mr. P and I up 😉
I’m still curious how they know my name and can only hope they don’t contact any of my family or friends. But if they do – that is the position he has put us in and he will have to deal with the fallout.
I absolutely would recommend blocking their (and D’s if applicable) profiles on your FB settings. I don’t even think about searching them up because I can’t (unless I unblock them – but I won’t).
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Yep. Me and looking up her FB and Twitter were great friends for months (years?).
Still get the occasional urge, but trying very hard to resist as it only makes me upset to see how she is apparently moving on with her life just fine whilst I am still an emotional wreck.
I know it is all probably fake, and so bad for me but, just once in a while, I can’t help it.
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The appearance in her moving on with her life is a facade – there is something very wrong with her and that does not go away.
I have the same thoughts though, I want Karma to get them NOW!
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