I am going to be very sexually explicit in describing his actions and I don’t want to trigger anyone…please don’t read if this will cause you trauma.
Would I be forgiven if I:
- Wrapped my mouth around other men’s cocks
- Asked other men to perform oral sex on me
- Gave men hand jobs in cars
- Allowed men to fondle me in cars
- Planned and told lies days in advance so that I could have sex with other men
- Planned and told lies weeks in advance so that I could go on weekend getaways with other men
- Asked men to send me naked pictures
- Sent naked pictures of myself in our room to multiple men
- Sent videos of myself masturbating
- Sexted multiple other men in our house
- Told multiple other men I wanted to fuck them
- Had phone sex with multiple men in our house, at work, and in my car
- Had multiple men come to my old house to have sex
- Flirted, dated and romanced multiple men at the same time
- Changed their names in my phone to women’s names
- Took and used our condoms with multiple other men
- Lied and told him I was going to sleep early so he would’t call and interrupt me while I was having sex with other men
- Took other men out for lunches and dinners
- Lied about going golfing with my friends so I could act out with other men, and I even texted him how great the course was
- Lied about going to hockey games so I could have sex with other men, and I even told him how great the game was
- Lied about going out for dinner with friends so I could have sex with other men
- Fell asleep in other men’s arms
- Had pet names for other men like “Sugar Lips”
- Came home and kissed him after having oral sex with other men
- Came home and touched him after giving hand jobs to other men
- Came home and laid next to him after having sex with other men
- Had him wash my underwear with his and my children’s clothes when it had their semen on it
- Ate other men’s cooking
- Treated him poorly, was on edge and ignored him
- Told him I wasn’t in love with him anymore
- Told him we didn’t have sexual chemistry
- Told other men intimate details about our life
- Walked behind him or turned away so he couldn’t see me sexting other men
- Told other men they were hot
- Left work and lied to my boss about meetings so that I could meet and have sex with other men
- Would hardly work because I was so preoccupied with other men
- Showered with other men even though I told him I hated showering with other people (so that’s why we never did it – not even once)
- Told multiple men that I loved them
- Rejected him so that I could have sex with other men later that day
- Could not perform sexually with him because I already had sex with someone else that day
- Got so turned on at work I went the bathroom to masturbate
- Ended our relationship because I thought I was in love other men
- and then begged for him back lying about why I ended it
- Cheated during our entire relationship
No, I don’t think I would be forgiven.
Healing from Sex Addiction 
I have wondered this myself several times. What if I did all he did? Would he forgive me, would he stay or walk away? It’s hard not to wonder what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot? I even ask him what he would do and of course he said he would forgive me if I was remorseful.
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Mr. Perfect has always said he doesn’t know if he could forgive me, he can’t imagine it, but it would most likely be a no.
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Yea I just don’t believe mine would be so forgiving and if he did forgive the first time I am certain he would not forgive a 2nd or 3rd time.
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Agree, and that would be his choice, just as it was your choice to stay and try and forgive xo
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My husband said the same…
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What do you think?
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He probably wouldn’t…
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I believe my husband would leave me if I did those things.
I may be wrong, but I believe that most men leave if they find their wife has cheated, especially if it was on-going for a long time or the entire marriage.
What it comes down to, for me at least, is that I am living my values.
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Your list and my list are really similar, sadly. Like B.B., I’ve asked Handsome whether he would be so forgiving and he (of course) insists that he would forgive me. I very highly doubt it though.
Maybe, perhaps, he could find it in his heart to forgive an EA or a one-time physical affair. Doubtful, but maybe. Multiple years of that laundry list of behaviors though? No way. He’d ghost before I disclosed half that list.
It is hard to display grace towards and love for someone under circumstances in which neither would be reciprocated if the tables were turned. If he wasn’t putting in effort, I couldn’t do it, but he’s trying and so keep my chin up and I try too.
You’re a strong woman and you have your chin up too. ❤️
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Interesting, Mr. P. was in the hospital after his suicide attempt and confession, begging me to stay and I asked him if if he would still be begging me if I started dating and having sex with 10 different men for the next 7 years. His response was “if that’s what you need to do I understand and will still be here”. Ridiculous and of course now he says he doesn’t think he could forgive me. I never wanted to be with any other man since I met him, and I still don’t, but it would have been much more fair if we had a choice in the matter and the question was posed to us BEFORE they acted out (as I asked Mr. P. in the hospital). Some people have that arrangement, and no judging, but I was never willing to share and he never was either. I think society is still a bit chauvinistic and men and women see each other differently. I believe a man ruminating about his delicate, beautiful wife being penetrated under, on top of or in front of another man in a car parked on a side street is a similar, but also very different kind of mind fuck. She is no longer tender and becomes dirty, a whore, slut and a horrible mother. I don’t know that there are equal terms for a man. Yes, there are men that forgive and God bless them, but I really don’t think the numbers are the same if we compare apples to apples.
My question on if he would forgive me doesn’t really change my choice, but they cannot fathom the question, because their imaginations cannot fathom us doing what they did.
We don’t have to stay, we have made a choice to, and yes you’re right, based on their atonement and actions TODAY.
We can start a 12 step group called The Chin Up Sisterhood 😉 thank you for your support BW.
How have you been? Your syrup on the cat comment had me spitting coffee I was laughing so hard!
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Your post here is priceless.
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Thank you hun, we are strong women that’s for sure xo
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I seriously doubt I’d be forgiven or taken back, especially if he had never cheated on me. I’ve never asked him though. Could be an interesting conversation.
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It’s not really a fair question because no one can ever fathom the destruction, pain and rage until it actually happens. I have asked Mr. P if he could imagine me doing these things (as in, read him the list), and he almost gets sick.
I believe wholeheartedly I would never be forgiven and would forever be labeled as the slut and whore, as opposed to “addict”.
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This is an example in which the power differential between male/female continues to exist in our culture (re: language = addict or philanderer vs. slut/whore). Language and words have power. Misogyny continues to exist, along with victim-blaming. Sigh.
I believe that the SA industry coddles the addicts by calling them addicts and calling their abuse “acting out.” It’s B.S. Acting out is what a 3 year old does when his blocks fall over and he kicks them. Acting out minimizes the acts they committed. I say – call it what it is: deception, partner abuse, infidelity, lying, lack of ethics/character – – – or what Dr. Minwalla calls it – CASRD (compulsive-abusive sexual-relational disorder).
These guys should be grateful every day for us and our work toward healing, grace, a second chance, and eventual forgiveness. I do believe anyone can forgive another, and forgiveness is truly more for US than THEM.
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Reblogged this on Ms.Polvora and commented:
I myself had every opportunity to live that life…maybe my addict would have forgiven me or maybe not. But none of that matters because I would never have been able to forgive myself had I chosen that path.
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Psychological studies have shown that physical infidelity upsets men significantly more than emotional infidelity. For women, emotional infidelity is extremely hurtful – “Do you love her?” is one of a woman’s first questions. Rarely a man’s.
In studies, men admitted they would find it much easier to forgive a partner who fell in love with someone else than forgive a partner’s sexual infidelity, even if just a hook-up.
Men may say they could forgive affairs or serial infidelity but odds are heavily against it.
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I absolutely agree with you and with the study. Mr. P cheated with many women, yet I’m stuck on the 2 but mostly 1 he thought he loved. I really don’t think he could get past the mind movies of me having sex with another man – no way.
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