I went out with 2 of my best friends last weekend, and instead of talking about Mr. Perfect and our relationship challenges with the 7 year long infidelity with multiple women (7 years with me, but started 8 years before we met), we talked about their relationships.
They both report a lack of sex, love, like, respect, affection, attention, care and compassion in their relationships. They both said that they don’t want to spend time with their husbands because they don’t have a connection nor do they have any fun. For the most part they annoy and then avoid each other. One of my friends sleeps on the couch every night and hasn’t had sex with her husband in over a year. The other usually goes to bed alone and if she initiates, they have sex maybe once a month. They don’t keep in touch or connect at all during the day and sometimes don’t talk for days.
Neither really have a desire to actively attempt to improve their relationships and when I asked why they are staying in the relationship, they both said (in different words), that it was a matter of convenience, for the children, and for financial reasons.
I am all for sticking it through the tough times (obviously), but I do believe there has to be a strong foundation, and if it has been weakened, there must be an effort to make relationships grow in a healthy and beneficial way for all involved to build/re-build. If you’re staying and unhappy, why not stay and actively work on things in an attempt to be happy? I don’t really understand why one wouldn’t do that. This isn’t a dress rehearsal and before you know it, life is over.
Mr. Perfect’s sex addiction has obviously caused me to have major trust issues, resentment, trauma, anger, and so much more, but we love each other and love our time together – and always have. We have all of the things that they are lacking in their relationships, which for me, are essential.
I am grateful that despite what he did, we still love and like each other. We are working hard on rebuilding our foundation that is cracked and crumbled and we are doing so because we have ALWAYS had something special and wonderful. We can’t wait to see each other when we get home. He still texts me a wonderful good morning message, texts me during his breaks and calls me on the way home. We make plans and go on dates. No one has ever left the house without a kiss and hug.
Obviously not having the cheating and sex addiction in our relationship would have been fantastic, but knowing what my friends (and MANY others) have and are lacking in their relationships, I would not trade places with them in a million years.
Healing from Sex Addiction 
Good for you for being able to see the value in what you have, even in the midst of a difficult time. You value your recovery and Mr. Perfect’s recovery efforts and you don’t take them for granted. If certain others knew what was going on in our houses they might feel sorry for us or pity us, but I believe it’s okay to consider ourselves fortunate if we have husbands willing to do the hard work to right their wrongs and to work to build a stronger relationship. Many couples that are spared infidelity and/or addiction aren’t as strong together as those who have faced and overcome some of the worst betrayal imaginable.
Xo
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I was out with another friend this evening for dinner and same thing, no connection and will wait it out. I can honestly say Mr. Perfect and I are better than that and I believe you and Handsome have that “something special” as well. We will survive this betrayedwife, one small step at a time ❤️
How are you doing?
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Oh, hangin’ in there. Lol. Some days are great. Others suck ass. But those that suck aren’t bad because of any new behavior. Handsome has 4 months of sobriety and he’s starting to work the steps. I’m proud of the effort he’s putting in. As for me, I feel like I’m almost back to normal at work (I was in a reclusive fog for quite some time) and I think most days I’m doing well. Most importantly, if I’m sad, hurt, or upset I’ve committed to not hiding it or pushing it down. This has led to a slight uptick in some friction with Handsome, but we’ve been able to work through those issues more quickly and resolve them with fewer tears and angst because they don’t fester. That has been incredibly helpful.
Xo
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It sounds like you’re both well on your way to healing in a healthy and compassionate way 😊
I believe 100% that facing your pain head on is the right approach. I wrote about how hard and tiring it is holding a beach ball under water; eventually it will pop up anyway, as will pain if it’s suppressed – and that’s exhausting too.
Handsome is very lucky to have you xo
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As painful as our situations have been, and still are at times, I agree with you that I would not trade it for anything!
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