Those oh so lovely little Triggers

I hate these triggers. Hate isn't even a strong enough word for how they make me feel, and then how I feel about my reactions and behaviours. Mr. P is applying for a job (that he retrained for all on his own, which is amazing) after being off for a year due to a mental … Continue reading Those oh so lovely little Triggers

Reflections

As all betrayed partners know, there is a back and forth internal struggle of Do I love? Do I stay? Do I trust? Do I want? Some days yes, some days no. It's a very emotionally painful and confusing ride that cannot be put into words. Last night as I lay in bed with Mr. … Continue reading Reflections

I feel you

There are days I feel so alone like I'm the only one in the world feeling what I'm feeling after being betrayed. I feel angry, sad, devastated, disgusted, tricked, rage, humiliated, worthless, alone, confused. DAILY. Please remember; somewhere across the world, across the water, across a border, across an aisle in the grocery store, across … Continue reading I feel you

He thinks I should write again *TRIGGER WARNING*

After being told that writing may be what was keeping me present in the trauma, I took a hiatus. Unfortunately the trauma is still present and now he thinks writing again may help. So, here I am. Trauma still very much present and at times, still very much in shock that he could do what … Continue reading He thinks I should write again *TRIGGER WARNING*

Second Thoughts?

It's been a while my fellow survivors; but just when I thought I had finally made it out of the being betrayed shit hole, I'm having second thoughts about how I could stay with Mr. Perfect after what he has done to me, to us, and to himself. I'm having awful visions again of what … Continue reading Second Thoughts?

Keeping myself in check

With all of the stress in life lately, and frankly, over the last at least 4 years with Mr. Perfect, I don't know how I've kept it all together. One thing I've noticed since Mr. Perfect has been home from his 3 1/2 week stay at the hospital is that I'm overly critical of him … Continue reading Keeping myself in check

Friends and Values

It's been a while since I posted an update, and it's mostly because things are still improving 🙂 big yay! Recovering from the betrayal nightmare takes a lot of time, patience and effort from both partners. It's not 100% yet, I still look at him at times and can't believe he did what he did, … Continue reading Friends and Values

Forgiveness of the human vs. Acceptance of your lovers heinous acts

I've been thinking a lot about the forgiveness struggle we betrayed all face if we are attempting a reconciliation after the discovery of betrayal. It is a HUGE struggle and is why I believe we feel "stuck" most of the time. The struggle feels like a torturous tug of war of emotions, and our internal … Continue reading Forgiveness of the human vs. Acceptance of your lovers heinous acts